Confessions...

There are three different kinds of losers that I have discovered so far. There are the ones who try and fail, there are the ones who don't even bother to try and then there are the ones who win but still manage to remain a loser. I am the second kind of loser. I dream and I plan but when comes to actually getting off my butt and living life, I'm a failure. It's not that I don't want to win, but somehow I still manage to sit and watch as everyone passes me by, strangely torn between cussing myself out for being such a failure and blowing a carefree kiss to the rest of the passing world.

For the sake of all honesty I'm just going to come out and say this is not a "How To Solve Your Problems" blog. This is a "How The Stinking Heck Is This Still My Problem" blog. I don't have all (or sometimes ANY) of the answers but my first step as newly awaken Loser is to find out what my reality is.

Question 1: What Was I Doing During My Sleeping State?

I am a movie addict. NO, seriously. I am a movie addict. A few weekends ago I woke up out of a movie coma to realize that I had watched not three, not eight but SIXTEEN movies, starting Friday night and ending Sunday night. Sixteen is a shocking number and I'm not entirely sure I counted all the movies that I watched. I literally sat in one place for about 40 out of 72 hours and then the other 32 hours i split between sleeping and eating. I wish i could say that this was out of the ordinary but that would be a lie. I watch entirely and completely WAY to many movies.

I started watching movies because I love them... I mean it's so incredibly fun to me to sit and figure out the plots, predict the characters futures and to match the all actors faces to other movies I've seen them in. This is unbelievably entertaining to me. But somewhere along the way, it changed from a hobby to an escape when i realized how easy it is to hide in unreality. If i can't change my circumstances I can hide from them right? Wrong. What was my hiding place turned into a prison and now, as i try to wake up and again join the living world, I find myself incapable of leaving my fantasy land behind and the longer i fight what is truly my reality the harder it is to move on in life and actually accomplish anything. So, as you can see, I am currently banging my head against a wall. A wall of my own creation and that is why I am Loser.

And so my Loser friends I will leave you with the symbol of our people... Farewell, till later.