Role Model

Waking up to the real world is never easy. Waking up means I have to finally admit to myself that I'm flawed, and that I have to change. I know when I'm making the wrong choices but when I look around at the disaster that is sometimes the result, I am always shocked at how much I've unintentionally hurt other people.

I am the middle child of five. Growing up I was always following my older siblings examples, whether or not I meant to. I could see myself adopting some of their behaviors, always following their leading. Over the last few years though my older sister and older brother have moved out, leaving me the oldest. I didn't really change myself to adopt that role and until now I didn't see my little sister and brother slowly changing into... well... me. It is kind of earth shattering to hear them repeat things I have said, to see them doing things I have done, choices that I regret. How could I have let this happen? Why did I have to be in the position of role model? I didn't want to be someone they copied and I definitely didn't deserve it. So, now what? I want to be an example to them, someone who could lead them without causing hurt.

I know it will take a lot of effort to become someone I would want them to look up to and maybe I will never really be a good role model. All I know is that I can do a whole heck of a lot better than this.

As always, your friendly neighborhood Loser,

Me